Paano magmahal ng hindi nasasaktan?

Dear Prof,

Naiinggit ako sa mga friends ko na masaya na sa mga boyfriends at girlfriends nila. Gusto ko nang ma-inlove. I think I’m ready. Pero, deep inside may takot pa rin. I’ve been inlove before, 2nd-4th year highschool. But we broke up. 3rd party. Sabi nya kasi controlling daw ako. That jerk, ako pa ang sinisi. Mula noon, takot na akong maging emotionally vulnerable sa iba.

I’m ready to fall in love now. Pramis! Pero paano ko maovercome ang takot ko? Paano ako magmamahal ng hindi gaanong nasasaktan?

Thanks.

Ms. Aquarius

Dear Ms Aquarius,

Thank you rin for taking the time to write.

Hindi mo nasabi sa akin kung ilang taon ka na. But I am sure of 3 things: 1) at least college ka na, 2) hindi ka na inosente sa buhay pag-ibig.  3) at hindi ka pa ready.

I’ll be honest. I don’t think you are ready yet.

Why? kasi hindi ka pa handang maging vulnerable. Interesado at atat ka lang na maexperience ulit ang mga kakiligan, pero hindi ka pa handa sa isang relasyon na pwede kang masaktan at pwede ka ring makasakit ng ibang tao. Bawas bawasan din kasi ang panonood ng mga cheesy koreanovelas pagmay time. ano po?

Alam ko ayaw mo nang balikan ang past mo. But, I’m sorry, ako gusto ko. There’s a nugget of wisdom dun na hindi mo nakita dahil ayaw mong tanggapin sa sarili mo na you are also to be blamed. Hindi ko alam bakit nasabi ng ex mo na control freak ka, pero it will help kung i-evaluate mo rin ang sarili mo.

Sabi ni Wikipedia, control-freak ka kung:

  • ikaw ay perfectionist
  • you defend yourself against your own inner vulnerabilities
  • if you are not in total control, you feel you risk exposing yourself.
  • you manipulate and pressure others to change, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness.
  • When your pattern is broken, you are left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness …”.

Nosebleed na naman ako.

Ganyan ka ba? I hope hindi. Kasi kung control-freak ka, you can’t even imagine the thought of being weak and at the mercy of other people.  Wooooh! hanglalim.

Eto pa. Emotionally, you hate being vulnerable. So you guard your feelings with high walls, at piling-pili lang ang mga tao na pinapayagan mong makapasok. No ID, No entry. Kailangan may permit ni meyor.

At diyan tayo magkakaproblema.

Being in Love means being vulnerable

“What was it about relationships that made you feel so vulnerable? Oh, right. A relationship. In any relationship, you put yourself out there. You exposed all of your sensitive nerve endings and your heart and you just had to hope that you trusted the right person.”
― Courtney ColeEvery Last Kiss

Love is a risk. It is a big gamble, at pag natalo ka pakiramdam mo mas malaki pa sa binulsa ni Napoles ang lugi mo.

Magkakaroon na sayo ng sense kung bakit may mga nagsu-suicide na emo.

Makikikanta ka na rin ng “You WRE-Eh-Ek meeh!

Bakit? Kasi you trusted the person. Kaya falling in love is a decision.

When you decided na you are ready to be vulnerable, kahit alam mong pwede kang masaktan, that’s the time you are ready to fall in love.

FALL in love.

Naexperience mo na ba mahulog mula sa building? — That’s falling to the center of the gravity, at 9.8 meter per second squared. Hindi pa? Ako rin. Pero pag nainlove ka nang totoo, same lang ng feeling. May fear, pero buong tapang kang tatalon at susugal kasi mas matimbang sayo yung tao kesa sa fear mo, hoping na kaya ka nya saluhin.

I should know, because I did take the jump. And I am still falling hanggang sa mga oras na ito.

Nasasaktan ka na ba sa mga sinasabi ko? Good! kailangan mo yan. Subukan mong sabihing dun ka lang kay boylet ready na masaktan, but not from me or anybody else at kukutusan talaga kita.

Ginagawa ko ito to show you something: kung hindi mo kayang tanggapin ang sinasabi ko ngayon dahil sa inis, kahit alam mong may point ako, maniwala ka sa akin mas masahol pa diyan ang mararamdaman mo kapag si boylet na ang nakasakit sayo.

Dahil kung sakaling magkaboyfriend ka na, eventually, magkakasakitan kayo. Kilig jumps out of the window. Love becomes anger. Pride gets in the way. Yung init ng pagmamahal magiging kulo ng dugo. You will hate him for hurting you and hate yourself for allowing to be this vulnerable to him. Your unwillingness to forgive could ruin the relationship kung hindi ka handa.

Kakanta ka ulit ng “You WRE-eh-eck meeh!

If you are not ready to be vulnerable to other people around you, if you are not ready to forgive those who hurt you deeply…

Hindi ka pa ready ma-inlove.

“When you love someone, truly love them, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt — you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it’s crippling-like having your heart carved out.”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”
― Frank Crane

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear… The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

— 1 John 4:18

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One thought on “Paano magmahal ng hindi nasasaktan?

  1. I therefore conclude na hindi pa ko na-in love.
    I’m still looking for that feeling na, hindi ko kayang isuko yung love ko for the guy. Yung I can set aside my ego and take that leap of faith for him. Yung ipaglalaban ko, kahit na alam kong there is a 99.9% chance na hindi ako ang pipiliin nya in the end. he he…I miss you prof! 🙂

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