Ang mahiwagang dimensyon ng “friend-zone”

Dear Prof,

Kamusta ka na? Ako hindi mabuti.

Nagsimula ito nung ma-realize kong nai-inlove na pala ako sa bestfriend at kapitbahay kong itatago ko na lang sa pangalang Angel. Ay wait, crush ko na pala sya noon pa, kaya pinilit kong mapalapit sa kanya, until naging mag-bestfriend na nga kami.

Akala ko kasi, kapag naging close kami, as in super-close, magiging open na rin sya sa possibility na magiging kami in the future. Pero I was wrong.

Photo: kenyabuzz.com/

Photo: kenyabuzz.com/

Winarningan na ako ng mga friends ko na iba ang type ni Angel. Pero never say die ang motto ko. Napalipat nga ako sa kanya, super close. Pero nung minsang nagkalakas ako ng loob na magtapat sa kanya, habang magkasayaw kami sa JS prom, narinig ko ang pinaka-masakit na katagang sumugat sa puso ko, “Friends lang ang turing ko sayo”. Para akong napa-stop dance ng marinig ko yun.

Pero never say die pa rin ang motto ko. I hope and pray, that she’ll be with me someday. Kaya naman, I tries to learn the things that make her happy. Gusto nya ng posh nail art, keribels! Windows shopping sa Fort Bonifacio, Taguig (Makati na pala), gora lang. She acknowledge me naman, ang sabi nya pa nga, “You are the closest to being the bestest boyfriend ever. Sana yung next boyfriend ko, kasing bait mo.” O.o

I’m such an fool. Minsan feeling ko, I’m no longer becoming myself anymore. Nawawalan na ako ng respeto sa sarili ko. pero hindi ko maisumbat sa kanya lahat ng sacrifices ko for her, kasi ginawa ko yun on my own.

Anong gagawin ko? What can I do to make her love me?

Nagmamahal,

Lucas


Dear Lucas,

Maraming salamat sa iyong liham pag-ibig.

Very timely at relevant ang kwento mo, kasi mukhang global phenomenon na ang friendzone kaya naman ang Oxford Dictionary ay isinama na sya sa official Lexicon.

According to Oxford, friend zone is defined as:

/noun/ informal
a situation in which a platonic relationship exists between two people, one of whom has an undeclared romantic or sexual interest in the other:
I always wind up in the friend zone, watching them pursue other guys

First, hindi lang ikaw ang naka-experience nyan.

Maraming nakaka-relate sa kwento mo. In fact, na-friendzoned din ako during my High school and college life. (Alam ko nagulat ka sa revelations kong yun. Its Ok, don’t be shocked. I also have my share of failures in love, you know.) Pero I learned a lot from them. So you see, kung ako nga na-friendzone, ikaw pa kaya diba? It’s not the end of the world, man.

Joking and yabang aside, palagay ko, this has something to do with you than her. Listen.

You cannot give anything that you do not have. How can you say you love her kung ikaw mismo hindi mo alam paano mahalin ang sarili mo ng totoo, the way you deserve to be loved? For all we know, baka kaya hindi ka yummy sa paningin ni Angel, eh dahil you don’t love yourself enough.

Sabi nga, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. At sabi ni Jesus, Love your neighbor, as you love thyself. Ok, sinunod mo naman yung first part, you loved your neighbor (literally), pero dude, as you love thyself — paano toh?

Pangalawa, women are subconsciously attracted to men of strong character. Hanglalim noh?! Pero totoo yun. It’s a primal instinct — ang mga babaeng gorilla ay sumasama lang sa alpha male gorilla na pinakamalakas para siguruhing kayang ipagtanggol sila in the wild.

Human females are in the look out for strong human male. At ang number one sign sa kanila ay strong character, hindi 6 pack abs. Dahil sa panahon ngayon, hindi porke’t naggi-gym, totoong lalaki. Yung iba, gusto lang makakita ng pawisang lalaki. At sa behavior mo ngayon, sorry to be this blunt dude, pero weak ang dating mo.

So what to do? Love yourself.

Bago mo idiscover yung gusto nya at magpapasaya sa kanya, discover yourself first and do what makes you happy. Be confident and contented sa kung anong meron ka. Enjoy who you are. Enrich who you are. Motivate yourself to become a better person. Malay mo, in the end, kapag wala ka na sa tabi nya, and you discovered your worth, she too will realize your true worth. Sabi nga, you only miss the water, kapag pinutulan na kayo ng Nawasa.

And most importantly, find your Identity in Christ. He loved you, even before you loved him or yourself.

Enjoy your day. Smile ka rin, konti lang.

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